My Voyage Through China Basin: An Odyssey of the Mind and Stomach

My perilous journey began when I ventured South of Market one fine Sunday. The path to China Basin led through the notorious SOMA district known as South Beach, full of hazards like homeless sleeping under bridges, rowdy fans going to see the Giants, and most vile of all, the fearsome scuppie. There was a mass of the dreaded scourge at the Inne of The Brick House, but I girded my loins and claimed a table by the window. Needing strength for my venture, I decided on a scramble and soon found out why it was known as "The Odyssey." Over an hour after I was seated, the food arrived: tasteless eggs with bilgy spinach smelling as if it had voyaged for weeks in the hold of an old barge...

Since I'd survived meals that would kill most normal people, I ate it anyway, with no ill effects, then set out for China Basin proper. Just south of the Pac Bell Ballpark lies the gateway to the Realm of the Basin of China. The weight of a phantom portcullis seemed to hang over the old Third Street drawbridge, but I had no problem crossing to the enchanted region on my trusty dirtbike Goliath. The same dirt lots of olde met my eyes. What dark wizardry kept this valuable urban area looking like a freshly-covered landfill? I spent most of the day trying to pierce this mystery and here's what I found:
The Good:
This summer the Giants had a fair. A+
Plenty of parking at the waterfront bars. B-
No cops to interfere with the homeless people. C+

Photo by Marcie Franich



The Bad:
Sewage treatment center in central location. F+
This area really is a landfill. D-
Best bar in the area too far from ballpark. C-

The Indifferent:
The scuppies of the South Beach area unofficially "own" this area, referring to it mockingly as China Basin (flush) or "Dogpatch" although its name on most maps is Mission Bay. City officials seem unable to carry out any of the many and varied development plans that could have made this dangerous area more safe to unsuspecting visitors.
If you wish to view the vast untamed tracts of virgin landfill, never-before bartered by unscrupulous speculators, seek the favor of Dago, the Dark Knight of the Basin. Sir Dago is a welder who's worked in the Basin since before the shipyards closed and knows all the hidden charms of this ensorcelled stronghold.
Best-of-the-Basin Award:
My journey ended when I discovered a homey little place known as The Ramp (855 China Basin Street). They had a great Brazilian Zydeco band that day. Forró Brazuca plays some awesome tunes. The food was also edible and a good time was had by All and Sundry:

Zydeco Sunday at The Ramp